About 6 weeks ago, my husband and I embarked on a new and temporary adventure. We offered to let my grandpa live with us for what appears to be his final season of life. This would be why my blog has gone lifeless and barren of late. This would also be why my house is messier, my leg hair is growing hair of it’s own, and my dog ran off to find a new forever family. And to top it all off, just a few weeks after gramps came into our home, it was also the start of our new homeschool year — with an entirely new and different curriculum and approach.
**Sidenote: let me explain my personality in one word: Firecracker. Listen to this song if you need more explanation.
The first time I heard about the above song was when my mom and cousin caught it on the radio one day and laughed because they both immediately thought of me. Aside from the fact it’s talking about a romp in the hay, the firecracker premise fits none-the-less.**
So, given the fact that I explode easily and have now found stress and time constraints to be a constant any and every day….I haven’t been totally pleasant. Those who don’t know me well and have seen me probably thought I’ve been just pleasantly peachy. Those who know me well and who I love most out of any in the world have seen the fiery, short-fused bawl baby that I really am. You can probably guess who that would be…
God bless…my husband. He catches 97.8% of the flack. I do not and have never handled stress well. Which cracks me up given the life I’ve had. You’d think I would be a professional stress squasher by now! Yeah, not so much.
Here’s the difference between my husband and every other man I’ve ever known ~ Since nearly the very beginning of our relationship, he has had the uncanny ability to see beyond my tangible, face value emotion to the heart of my issue. He has always searched out the “Why” of my behavior. It’s as if he has stared at and studied the abstract portrait that is my past so in depth that he can now recognize the hues that filter and color my current life experiences.
I had a hard time understanding unconditional love and an even harder time understanding that there would ever be someone who really had the ability to do this. My husband helps me to understand what it looks like to live out unconditional love. He sees the walls I put up and why. He sees my buttons and why they are my buttons. He sees how my sometimes self-sabotaging ways serve as a protection mechanism. He just gets me. Sometimes he gets me before I get me!
Then I got to thinking — Isn’t that how our Father God gets us? He can see the “why” in our actions — Isn’t that why He can love us unconditionally? Our “why’s” reside in the heart and that’s exactly where he looks. He sees our life’s painting and the color palette we filter life through. And though I should always be striving to die to my fleshly emotions, when the firecracker in me explodes, He is there to remind me of His grace and unconditional love. And honestly, that is what my husband does for me too. He reminds me of his unconditional love and extends grace to me unfailingly.
I always wanted to understand unconditional love as it applies to Christ but never could grasp it. I still don’t think I have a full grasp on that reality, but thanks to my kind, caring, and patient husband, I do understand it better and I try to learn from his example. So much prayer went in to my husband before I ever even knew him and God provided in abundance. Thank you Eric for loving me enough to search out the “why’s” in me. I am blessed to be walking this life with you by my side.
**Another side note — mushy is SO not my thing, HOWEVER, God placed this on my heart and I thought I would share it. I know many others are blessed with earthly examples of unconditional love that we sometimes mistreat or take for granted. Don’t.**
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