Remember that day? The first day you laid eyes on your sweet child? The moments after you gave birth, the cry of your baby, the cutting of the umbilical cord? Did you have nurses watching you so intently it made you feel uncomfortable? I know I felt like I was under a microscope. I also know I didn’t like what I saw of myself when I was lo0king through the lens. That day…the start of the most painful season of my life. 6 years ago today was my day.
All the emotion, all the memories snuck up on me last night as I recounted my hours of labor. I remember who was there, I remember who wasn’t. I remember clutching my baby boy for two solid days as if the tighter I held the more my reality was going to change for the better. As if I could hold him tight enough that somehow I could meld him permanently to me and I wouldn’t have to let him go. I remember my constant tears and pleas to God for my situation to miraculously change so we could go home together just like any other mother coming to the hospital to give birth.
I am reminded that the most intimate and personal memories of my pregnancy/childbirth are mine and mine alone. Because the key players in that season of my life have now passed on.
Who do you share your memories with? Do you still feel alone? Are you years out of your adoption yet you still feel like that broken girl laying in the hospital bed crying herself to sleep?
Does time seem to have left you behind with no good reason to catch up or move on? You are not alone. God remembers you. And God remembers the day. You may share no memories with anyone else, but God shares them with you. He was there. He watched your little one being born, He watched them cut the cord, and He looked upon you with love. He shared in your grief and sat patiently by your side, waiting. No, you weren’t alone and you still aren’t.
Maybe your wound is heavily guarded and maybe you even do that in complete secrecy. Won’t you stop coddling it? Won’t you let light in? It hurts to expose it but it’s time to let down your guard. It’s time to let the Healer of all wounds in to let Him do what it is He wants to do.
That baggage that you carry, it gets so heavy. Let the Lover of your soul carry it for you. Today is your day so let it all go. Today is your day, God’s beloved birthmother. I don’t claim to know what His plans are for you, but I know what is not in His plan for you and that is this: You were not created to carry the weight and sorrows of this life around with you constantly. He sees your pain, He sees your sacrifice, your anger, your brokenness, and everything else.
He loves you more than anyone ever and He is the key to truly overcoming your adoption grief, you just have to let Him in.
Take heart because you are loved, you are valuable, and you are not alone.
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.
Revelation 3:19-21
Showing posts with label God's love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's love. Show all posts
Saturday, January 7, 2012
10 Reasons To Adopt A Special Needs Child
I found that keeping this list to 10 reasons is..well…impossible. So my 10 reasons are only going to focus on you…the adoptive parent. Not what you can bring a child but more what a child can bring you. Please note that I in no way, shape, or form believe adoption to be about what a child can do for you. A most important piece in adoption is what you can provide a child. But the rewards that come from parenting a special needs child are like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. My 12 year old is my “handi-absolutely-capable” son, then I have a younger son that is ”not special needs” and I am also a birthmother. So, I can offer my knowledge from many perspectives. I find it rewarding to parent both my children, but my older son (Kasey) has brought the perspective that often gets lost on parents of healthy children who sometimes take their children’s lives for granted.
As an adoptive parent, I’m sure you have a plethora of love and life to give. Let me tell you, if you adopt a special needs child, you will get more of these things than you ever could offer. So, enough of that…let’s get to the list:
1) Do you want life on a whole new level?
This is a picture of my boys giving end of life care to our 15 year old dog, Shep. When we took him to the vet for euthanasia it was Kasey, me, and my husband. My husband and I both cried. Kasey held it together through the whole thing and pet our dog to the final breath. Later when we went to my parents home in the country to bury him, Kasey lifted Shep’s ear before we put him in his grave and told him “goodbye Shep” –still never shedding a tear. I asked him if he was sad that Shep had passed and he said yes. “So, why haven’t you cried?” I asked. “Because Shep is in heaven and I will see him again.” Cut and dried, plain and simple. Eternal perspective. The same perspective that caused him to excitedly wave goodbye towards the casket of my grandma when she passed. I am always the bawling mess and he consistently gives me the right perspective on things.
2) Do you want to feel alive?
That scar right down the middle of his chest is from open heart surgery when he was 15 months old. He had a hole in his heart the size of a quarter. The doctors said that up to that point even having a bowel movement could have given him a heart attack. He had drainage tubes, wires, stitches, a monitor stuck in his carotid artery to measure pressures, he was black and blue and yet in just a few days he was standing in his hospital bed shaking the crib. It was like “Yeah, I just had open heart surgery, so what?!?!” I wish I could say I handled everything well then but the truth is, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone and he was suffering more than anyone I had ever known. I was lost and looking for something to drown my pain. In so many ways I wanted to be the turtle with her head in the sand. I felt alive alright. But not in a good way. Yet, looking back on his times of greatest infirmity, he still lived. He still showed care for others. He handled everything given to him with grace. He never seemed to lose sight of life. In all emotions we are reminded that we are still alive. Parenting special needs children isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but around every turn you WILL feel alive. You WILL be reminded in sickness and health of what is important — and **that** is living.
3) Ever wondered what it would be like to entertain an angel?
Enough said.
4) Need a reason to smile?
A special needs child will give you oodles every single day — and they won’t be smiles cracked from everyday triggers. They are unique!
5) Want acceptance for just who you are?
So do they
I hate comparing them to dogs, but honestly, it seems the only ones with the natural, absolutely pure, God-instilled, deeply rooted gift of unconditional love is special needs children and dogs. I love them both!
6) Want to feel God’s love in a tangible way?
If you are lucky enough to get a hug or kiss from a special needs child you can very readily assume that God is just passing His love for you through a child. They embody God’s love and affection for you.
7) “Normal” kids reach hearts. Special needs kids penetrate them.
Everyone remembers Kasey. Everyone loves him. Even if they haven’t met him, he captures their attention. And the best thing about it is, it doesn’t go to his head. He’s just the same to anyone and everyone.
8) Do you struggle with feeling sorry for yourself?
You won’t. They will teach you courage, perseverance, patience, grace, and standing firm in your own life’s plan.
9) Need someone to bring you out of your shell?
So did my younger son, Noah, and I. Sometimes Kasey is to us as a parent is to a child — embarrassing. To us who really value being unnoticed on a day to day basis…yeah that never happens with Kasey…we had to learn to stand out and be proud. He will drop a beatbox rap or bust into a full fledged all-out YMCA rendition in any aisle of any grocery store at any time. This picture is of Kasey bringing Noah out of his shell and actually trying the school talent show. It’s a memory Noah still talks about to this day. I have no doubt Noah would not have had the guts without his brother by his side.
10) Everyday is an adventure!
Yep…that’s Kasey…After eyeing the fingernail polish sitting on the table, he thought it would be funny to paint his nails. Then, I talked him into a make-over, a dress, and a pose.
Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given unto you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
In giving your love and parenting to a special needs child, you truly are getting multitudes more than you can ever give. I promise.
I wish I lived as abundantly, as joyfully, as simply, as boldly, as attentively, as lovingly as my special needs child.
I wish I could melt, penetrate, and soothe hearts the way my special needs child does.
I wish I understood God’s love and undying devotion the way my special needs child does.
I wish I held unswervingly to my faith the way my special needs child does.
I wish I possessed the massive amount of spiritual gifts my special needs child does.
I wish my intellectual capabilities were severely over-shadowed by my intuitive, soul softening, kind and caring ways.
Some reason that a life labeled “special needs” is best ended in utero because quality of life will be diminished. I only wish my quality of life resembled my son’s. I have yet to meet a special needs person who struggles have burdened them so greatly they would have preferred their parents to abort them. Just ask them.
As an adoptive parent, I’m sure you have a plethora of love and life to give. Let me tell you, if you adopt a special needs child, you will get more of these things than you ever could offer. So, enough of that…let’s get to the list:
1) Do you want life on a whole new level?
This is a picture of my boys giving end of life care to our 15 year old dog, Shep. When we took him to the vet for euthanasia it was Kasey, me, and my husband. My husband and I both cried. Kasey held it together through the whole thing and pet our dog to the final breath. Later when we went to my parents home in the country to bury him, Kasey lifted Shep’s ear before we put him in his grave and told him “goodbye Shep” –still never shedding a tear. I asked him if he was sad that Shep had passed and he said yes. “So, why haven’t you cried?” I asked. “Because Shep is in heaven and I will see him again.” Cut and dried, plain and simple. Eternal perspective. The same perspective that caused him to excitedly wave goodbye towards the casket of my grandma when she passed. I am always the bawling mess and he consistently gives me the right perspective on things.
2) Do you want to feel alive?
That scar right down the middle of his chest is from open heart surgery when he was 15 months old. He had a hole in his heart the size of a quarter. The doctors said that up to that point even having a bowel movement could have given him a heart attack. He had drainage tubes, wires, stitches, a monitor stuck in his carotid artery to measure pressures, he was black and blue and yet in just a few days he was standing in his hospital bed shaking the crib. It was like “Yeah, I just had open heart surgery, so what?!?!” I wish I could say I handled everything well then but the truth is, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone and he was suffering more than anyone I had ever known. I was lost and looking for something to drown my pain. In so many ways I wanted to be the turtle with her head in the sand. I felt alive alright. But not in a good way. Yet, looking back on his times of greatest infirmity, he still lived. He still showed care for others. He handled everything given to him with grace. He never seemed to lose sight of life. In all emotions we are reminded that we are still alive. Parenting special needs children isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but around every turn you WILL feel alive. You WILL be reminded in sickness and health of what is important — and **that** is living.
3) Ever wondered what it would be like to entertain an angel?
Enough said.
4) Need a reason to smile?
A special needs child will give you oodles every single day — and they won’t be smiles cracked from everyday triggers. They are unique!
5) Want acceptance for just who you are?
So do they
I hate comparing them to dogs, but honestly, it seems the only ones with the natural, absolutely pure, God-instilled, deeply rooted gift of unconditional love is special needs children and dogs. I love them both!6) Want to feel God’s love in a tangible way?
If you are lucky enough to get a hug or kiss from a special needs child you can very readily assume that God is just passing His love for you through a child. They embody God’s love and affection for you.
7) “Normal” kids reach hearts. Special needs kids penetrate them.
Everyone remembers Kasey. Everyone loves him. Even if they haven’t met him, he captures their attention. And the best thing about it is, it doesn’t go to his head. He’s just the same to anyone and everyone.
8) Do you struggle with feeling sorry for yourself?
You won’t. They will teach you courage, perseverance, patience, grace, and standing firm in your own life’s plan.
9) Need someone to bring you out of your shell?
So did my younger son, Noah, and I. Sometimes Kasey is to us as a parent is to a child — embarrassing. To us who really value being unnoticed on a day to day basis…yeah that never happens with Kasey…we had to learn to stand out and be proud. He will drop a beatbox rap or bust into a full fledged all-out YMCA rendition in any aisle of any grocery store at any time. This picture is of Kasey bringing Noah out of his shell and actually trying the school talent show. It’s a memory Noah still talks about to this day. I have no doubt Noah would not have had the guts without his brother by his side.
10) Everyday is an adventure!
Yep…that’s Kasey…After eyeing the fingernail polish sitting on the table, he thought it would be funny to paint his nails. Then, I talked him into a make-over, a dress, and a pose.
Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given unto you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
In giving your love and parenting to a special needs child, you truly are getting multitudes more than you can ever give. I promise.
I wish I lived as abundantly, as joyfully, as simply, as boldly, as attentively, as lovingly as my special needs child.
I wish I could melt, penetrate, and soothe hearts the way my special needs child does.
I wish I understood God’s love and undying devotion the way my special needs child does.
I wish I held unswervingly to my faith the way my special needs child does.
I wish I possessed the massive amount of spiritual gifts my special needs child does.
I wish my intellectual capabilities were severely over-shadowed by my intuitive, soul softening, kind and caring ways.
Some reason that a life labeled “special needs” is best ended in utero because quality of life will be diminished. I only wish my quality of life resembled my son’s. I have yet to meet a special needs person who struggles have burdened them so greatly they would have preferred their parents to abort them. Just ask them.
The Firecracker De-Fuser
About 6 weeks ago, my husband and I embarked on a new and temporary adventure. We offered to let my grandpa live with us for what appears to be his final season of life. This would be why my blog has gone lifeless and barren of late. This would also be why my house is messier, my leg hair is growing hair of it’s own, and my dog ran off to find a new forever family. And to top it all off, just a few weeks after gramps came into our home, it was also the start of our new homeschool year — with an entirely new and different curriculum and approach.
**Sidenote: let me explain my personality in one word: Firecracker. Listen to this song if you need more explanation.
The first time I heard about the above song was when my mom and cousin caught it on the radio one day and laughed because they both immediately thought of me. Aside from the fact it’s talking about a romp in the hay, the firecracker premise fits none-the-less.**
So, given the fact that I explode easily and have now found stress and time constraints to be a constant any and every day….I haven’t been totally pleasant. Those who don’t know me well and have seen me probably thought I’ve been just pleasantly peachy. Those who know me well and who I love most out of any in the world have seen the fiery, short-fused bawl baby that I really am. You can probably guess who that would be…
God bless…my husband. He catches 97.8% of the flack. I do not and have never handled stress well. Which cracks me up given the life I’ve had. You’d think I would be a professional stress squasher by now! Yeah, not so much.
Here’s the difference between my husband and every other man I’ve ever known ~ Since nearly the very beginning of our relationship, he has had the uncanny ability to see beyond my tangible, face value emotion to the heart of my issue. He has always searched out the “Why” of my behavior. It’s as if he has stared at and studied the abstract portrait that is my past so in depth that he can now recognize the hues that filter and color my current life experiences.
I had a hard time understanding unconditional love and an even harder time understanding that there would ever be someone who really had the ability to do this. My husband helps me to understand what it looks like to live out unconditional love. He sees the walls I put up and why. He sees my buttons and why they are my buttons. He sees how my sometimes self-sabotaging ways serve as a protection mechanism. He just gets me. Sometimes he gets me before I get me!
Then I got to thinking — Isn’t that how our Father God gets us? He can see the “why” in our actions — Isn’t that why He can love us unconditionally? Our “why’s” reside in the heart and that’s exactly where he looks. He sees our life’s painting and the color palette we filter life through. And though I should always be striving to die to my fleshly emotions, when the firecracker in me explodes, He is there to remind me of His grace and unconditional love. And honestly, that is what my husband does for me too. He reminds me of his unconditional love and extends grace to me unfailingly.
I always wanted to understand unconditional love as it applies to Christ but never could grasp it. I still don’t think I have a full grasp on that reality, but thanks to my kind, caring, and patient husband, I do understand it better and I try to learn from his example. So much prayer went in to my husband before I ever even knew him and God provided in abundance. Thank you Eric for loving me enough to search out the “why’s” in me. I am blessed to be walking this life with you by my side.
**Another side note — mushy is SO not my thing, HOWEVER, God placed this on my heart and I thought I would share it. I know many others are blessed with earthly examples of unconditional love that we sometimes mistreat or take for granted. Don’t.**
**Sidenote: let me explain my personality in one word: Firecracker. Listen to this song if you need more explanation.
The first time I heard about the above song was when my mom and cousin caught it on the radio one day and laughed because they both immediately thought of me. Aside from the fact it’s talking about a romp in the hay, the firecracker premise fits none-the-less.**
So, given the fact that I explode easily and have now found stress and time constraints to be a constant any and every day….I haven’t been totally pleasant. Those who don’t know me well and have seen me probably thought I’ve been just pleasantly peachy. Those who know me well and who I love most out of any in the world have seen the fiery, short-fused bawl baby that I really am. You can probably guess who that would be…
God bless…my husband. He catches 97.8% of the flack. I do not and have never handled stress well. Which cracks me up given the life I’ve had. You’d think I would be a professional stress squasher by now! Yeah, not so much.
Here’s the difference between my husband and every other man I’ve ever known ~ Since nearly the very beginning of our relationship, he has had the uncanny ability to see beyond my tangible, face value emotion to the heart of my issue. He has always searched out the “Why” of my behavior. It’s as if he has stared at and studied the abstract portrait that is my past so in depth that he can now recognize the hues that filter and color my current life experiences.
I had a hard time understanding unconditional love and an even harder time understanding that there would ever be someone who really had the ability to do this. My husband helps me to understand what it looks like to live out unconditional love. He sees the walls I put up and why. He sees my buttons and why they are my buttons. He sees how my sometimes self-sabotaging ways serve as a protection mechanism. He just gets me. Sometimes he gets me before I get me!
Then I got to thinking — Isn’t that how our Father God gets us? He can see the “why” in our actions — Isn’t that why He can love us unconditionally? Our “why’s” reside in the heart and that’s exactly where he looks. He sees our life’s painting and the color palette we filter life through. And though I should always be striving to die to my fleshly emotions, when the firecracker in me explodes, He is there to remind me of His grace and unconditional love. And honestly, that is what my husband does for me too. He reminds me of his unconditional love and extends grace to me unfailingly.
I always wanted to understand unconditional love as it applies to Christ but never could grasp it. I still don’t think I have a full grasp on that reality, but thanks to my kind, caring, and patient husband, I do understand it better and I try to learn from his example. So much prayer went in to my husband before I ever even knew him and God provided in abundance. Thank you Eric for loving me enough to search out the “why’s” in me. I am blessed to be walking this life with you by my side.
**Another side note — mushy is SO not my thing, HOWEVER, God placed this on my heart and I thought I would share it. I know many others are blessed with earthly examples of unconditional love that we sometimes mistreat or take for granted. Don’t.**
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