10 Reasons To Adopt A Special Needs Child

I found that keeping this list to 10 reasons is..well…impossible. So my 10 reasons are only going to focus on you…the adoptive parent. Not what you can bring a child but more what a child can bring you. Please note that I in no way, shape, or form believe adoption to be about what a child can do for you. A most important piece in adoption is what you can provide a child. But the rewards that come from parenting a special needs child are like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. My 12 year old is my “handi-absolutely-capable” son, then I have a younger son that is ”not special needs” and I am also a birthmother. So, I can offer my knowledge from many perspectives. I find it rewarding to parent both my children, but my older son (Kasey) has brought the perspective that often gets lost on parents of healthy children who sometimes take their children’s lives for granted.
As an adoptive parent, I’m sure you have a plethora of love and life to give. Let me tell you, if you adopt a special needs child, you will get more of these things than you ever could offer. So, enough of that…let’s get to the list:
1) Do you want life on a whole new level?

This is a picture of my boys giving end of life care to our 15 year old dog, Shep. When we took him to the vet for euthanasia it was Kasey, me, and my husband. My husband and I both cried. Kasey held it together through the whole thing and pet our dog to the final breath. Later when we went to my parents home in the country to bury him, Kasey lifted Shep’s ear before we put him in his grave and told him “goodbye Shep” –still never shedding a tear. I asked him if he was sad that Shep had passed and he said yes. “So, why haven’t you cried?” I asked. “Because Shep is in heaven and I will see him again.” Cut and dried, plain and simple. Eternal perspective. The same perspective that caused him to excitedly wave goodbye towards the casket of my grandma when she passed. I am always the bawling mess and he consistently gives me the right perspective on things.
2) Do you want to feel alive?

That scar right down the middle of his chest is from open heart surgery when he was 15 months old. He had a hole in his heart the size of a quarter. The doctors said that up to that point even having a bowel movement could have given him a heart attack. He had drainage tubes, wires, stitches, a monitor stuck in his carotid artery to measure pressures, he was black and blue and yet in just a few days he was standing in his hospital bed shaking the crib. It was like “Yeah, I just had open heart surgery, so what?!?!” I wish I could say I handled everything well then but the truth is, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone and he was suffering more than anyone I had ever known. I was lost and looking for something to drown my pain. In so many ways I wanted to be the turtle with her head in the sand. I felt alive alright. But not in a good way. Yet, looking back on his times of greatest infirmity, he still lived. He still showed care for others. He handled everything given to him with grace. He never seemed to lose sight of life. In all emotions we are reminded that we are still alive. Parenting special needs children isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but around every turn you WILL feel alive. You WILL be reminded in sickness and health of what is important — and **that** is living.
3) Ever wondered what it would be like to entertain an angel?

Enough said.
4) Need a reason to smile?

A special needs child will give you oodles every single day — and they won’t be smiles cracked from everyday triggers. They are unique!
5) Want acceptance for just who you are?

So do they I hate comparing them to dogs, but honestly, it seems the only ones with the natural, absolutely pure, God-instilled, deeply rooted gift of unconditional love is special needs children and dogs. I love them both!
6) Want to feel God’s love in a tangible way?

If you are lucky enough to get a hug or kiss from a special needs child you can very readily assume that God is just passing His love for you through a child. They embody God’s love and affection for you.
7) “Normal” kids reach hearts. Special needs kids penetrate them.

Everyone remembers Kasey. Everyone loves him. Even if they haven’t met him, he captures their attention. And the best thing about it is, it doesn’t go to his head. He’s just the same to anyone and everyone.
8) Do you struggle with feeling sorry for yourself?

You won’t. They will teach you courage, perseverance, patience, grace, and standing firm in your own life’s plan.
9) Need someone to bring you out of your shell?

So did my younger son, Noah, and I. Sometimes Kasey is to us as a parent is to a child — embarrassing. To us who really value being unnoticed on a day to day basis…yeah that never happens with Kasey…we had to learn to stand out and be proud.  He will drop a beatbox rap or bust into a full fledged all-out YMCA rendition in any aisle of any grocery store at any time. This picture is of Kasey bringing Noah out of his shell and actually trying the school talent show. It’s a memory Noah still talks about to this day. I have no doubt Noah would not have had the guts without his brother by his side.
10) Everyday is an adventure!

Yep…that’s Kasey…After eyeing the fingernail polish sitting on the table, he thought it would be funny to paint his nails. Then, I talked him into a make-over, a dress, and a pose.
Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given unto you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
In giving your love and parenting to a special needs child, you truly are getting multitudes more than you can ever give. I promise.
I wish I lived as abundantly, as joyfully, as simply, as boldly, as attentively, as lovingly as my special needs child.
I wish I could melt, penetrate, and soothe hearts the way my special needs child does.
I wish I understood God’s love and undying devotion the way my special needs child does.
I wish I held unswervingly to my faith the way my special needs child does.
I wish I possessed the massive amount of spiritual gifts my special needs child does.
I wish my intellectual capabilities were severely over-shadowed by my intuitive, soul softening, kind and caring ways.
Some reason that a life labeled “special needs” is best ended in utero because quality of life will be diminished. I only wish my quality of life resembled my son’s. I have yet to meet a special needs person who struggles have burdened them so greatly they would have preferred their parents to abort them. Just ask them.

Dear Adoptive Parent

Isn’t it wonderful to think that — yes technically, your birthmother chose you to parent her child — but in all reality GOD chose you to be a parent specifically to your child(ren). Your birthmother was a vessel, God was the Operator. God chose you. God chose you knowing every side of you, knowing you would have your fair share of mess-ups. God led your birthmother to you. God chose you because He delights in giving His children the desires of their hearts. The desire of your birthmother’s heart was for her child to have parents just like you. Just like you have the opportunity to be adopted into His family, your child had the opportunity to be adopted into your family.
Not only is God awesome, He is also an example. He is an example we should all live by. His love surpasses all and forgives without question. There is never anything anyone can do, that when they come back to Him He would turn them away. Never. I am so thankful for that because I fall short all the time. Don’t you? We make mistakes, we live outside of God’s purpose sometimes, we pull back when things are painful, we sometimes cower, and we sometimes seek substances or things to escape our pain and shortcomings.
Here is my issue: I have had countless broken-hearted birthmothers reaching out to me lately that are on the edge and broken. They are suffering. They are agonizing over their decision to choose adoption. Here is why: After agreeing to open adoptions, adoptive parents are pulling that option off the table and closing everything off.  One fact I find so completely disheartening is that many of these Adoptive Parents claim they are Christians. I am not going to pretend to understand every single circumstance and decision made. That is not my thing. I am not going to say that if this is you, you are wrong for doing so. My guess is, your gut already knows that but fear of the unknown feeds your resolve.
Here is what I will say: you are killing birthmothers/fathers. The very spirit inside of them is slipping away because they put absolute hope and trust in you. They believed in you. They gave you their child. They may have even believed God about you. They chose life for their child because they believed in life and love itself, and you, the very one they and God chose to parent their child, pulled the rug out from under them. It is a most intimate form of deceit.
I’m sure there are many reasons and many ways to reason why closing the adoption was/is a good idea. We can always find excuses and some are valid. If you have closed off a once open adoption, let me ask you: Was it motivated by fear? Was it motivated by “what-if’s”? Was it motivated by “I don’t want…”? Secrecy? Because you were tired of sharing? Because your birthmother isn’t acting appropriately? Insecurity? Because just like the birthmother that decided her unexpected pregnancy was no longer about her, you also have to decide that adoption is not about you.
Do you wonder what will happen when your child is old enough to search out their birthparents on their own? Do you want them to find out that you closed the adoption after agreeing to something different? If you want to be the hero in your child’s life, you need to be the bigger person. You need to step out of fear and into peace. God loves at all cost. The day you entered into an open adoption, you also agreed to love at all cost. And I’m not just talking about your child. You agreed that you would not be the one to break a birthmother or father’s heart to shards by closing off the adoption. You entered into a heart agreement with a woman that believed in you enough to let her child call you Mother.
Is your artificially closed adoption worth the pain it is causing others? Even if you take God out of the equation (which of course, I never recommend!), is your gain worth causing someone else pain?
Jesus is PRO-EVERYBODY. He’s not pro everything… now there are some nasty THINGS. But He NEVER lets the things that He is against get in the way of the people that He loves.
~Greg Boyd
Love God, Love your Birthmothers/Fathers. At all cost.