Today my thoughts have been ripped from my delusional, happy place back into reality. Let me tell you about my happy place. It's wonderful, really, really wonderful!
My happy place exists only in my mind but being the imaginitive and highly convincing soul that I am, I exist there pretty much daily! It brings peace and contentment to some otherwise unnerving situations. It is a place where no one is sick, there are no medical issues, no specialists, no doctors, no bad news, no special needs, no worries about the futures or safety of my boys, no major medical bills, no blended families, no past baggage. In my delusional world, BOTH of my boys are healthy. My husband and I do not have a blended family but instead are a wonderful, solid little family -- who see eachother every single day. Our family is the most awesome in the whole world! We have grandkids and a daughter-in-law to die for. We have no one meddling in our lives, no one stirring up trouble. The awesome family, daughter-in-law, grandkid thing is actual REALITY. The farce of that is the blended part. There are parts of our lives that blend about as well as oil and water. Those are the things I ignore in my happy place. On a regular basis I am effective at ignoring those things and existing as if all is well. It has become a self-preservation mechanism for me, my health, for my marriage, for my sanity (well, what little sanity I had anyway).
I have been re-doing my bathroom this week while my hubby was on business in Pennsylvania. I jumped into this project quickly initially thinking it was just because it needed done. I quickly realized it was really just a distraction from what was to come. I knew I was expecting a call at the end of the week. Today is the day the call is supposed to come in. Today I am sitting by my phone waiting...waiting on a Neurosurgeon to tell me what the future holds regarding my 13 year old son and a spinal cord surgery. I am weepy, on edge, and yanked from my happy place. I have a good idea of what is to come. This spinal cord surgery is in question. But even if it doesn't happen, there's another definite spinal surgery immediately waiting in its wings. So the only question is: will he have one surgery or two? And when will this nightmare begin and end?
I have faith in God. I have faith that He will come through for my son. I pray about it all the time and many others have joined us in regular prayer. It's not a lack of faith that makes me cry. It's not hope for the future. It's the pain my child will have to endure no matter what outcome awaits us on the other side. We sometimes question how much our son absorbs due to his mental challenges but the other day in the car when he sat quietly for a long while, I asked him what he was thinking about. He said he was thinking about his surgery pain. I would be stupid to think that I'm the only concerned with what is about to happen. It weighs on my child's mind. It weighs on all of us. However on a normal daily basis we could ignore these thoughts because they weren't yet imminent. Now it's staring me in the face and I miss my happy place. I can be so delusional regarding my son that his limitations will shock me all over again because I see him as so normal on my daily radar. My son has a speech problem???? Oh yeah, he does, I forgot! He isn't "normal"???? Oh yeah, I forgot. He has severe scoliosis??? I guess I remember that.
I love delusionality and when I can't be in that space, I love me some distractions. It's not all bad though, my bathroom now looks AWESOME! And my happy place is vacant now for a (short) while, so if anyone is looking to get away, I would be willing to rent it out for a small charge!
And most importantly, if and when you think of us, say a prayer for our family. What is to come for us is the biggest mountain we've had to climb with Kasey in about 10 years. Good or bad, I feel out of practice with handling reality.
Showing posts with label special needs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label special needs. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
10 Reasons To Adopt A Special Needs Child
I found that keeping this list to 10 reasons is..well…impossible. So my 10 reasons are only going to focus on you…the adoptive parent. Not what you can bring a child but more what a child can bring you. Please note that I in no way, shape, or form believe adoption to be about what a child can do for you. A most important piece in adoption is what you can provide a child. But the rewards that come from parenting a special needs child are like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. My 12 year old is my “handi-absolutely-capable” son, then I have a younger son that is ”not special needs” and I am also a birthmother. So, I can offer my knowledge from many perspectives. I find it rewarding to parent both my children, but my older son (Kasey) has brought the perspective that often gets lost on parents of healthy children who sometimes take their children’s lives for granted.
As an adoptive parent, I’m sure you have a plethora of love and life to give. Let me tell you, if you adopt a special needs child, you will get more of these things than you ever could offer. So, enough of that…let’s get to the list:
1) Do you want life on a whole new level?
This is a picture of my boys giving end of life care to our 15 year old dog, Shep. When we took him to the vet for euthanasia it was Kasey, me, and my husband. My husband and I both cried. Kasey held it together through the whole thing and pet our dog to the final breath. Later when we went to my parents home in the country to bury him, Kasey lifted Shep’s ear before we put him in his grave and told him “goodbye Shep” –still never shedding a tear. I asked him if he was sad that Shep had passed and he said yes. “So, why haven’t you cried?” I asked. “Because Shep is in heaven and I will see him again.” Cut and dried, plain and simple. Eternal perspective. The same perspective that caused him to excitedly wave goodbye towards the casket of my grandma when she passed. I am always the bawling mess and he consistently gives me the right perspective on things.
2) Do you want to feel alive?
That scar right down the middle of his chest is from open heart surgery when he was 15 months old. He had a hole in his heart the size of a quarter. The doctors said that up to that point even having a bowel movement could have given him a heart attack. He had drainage tubes, wires, stitches, a monitor stuck in his carotid artery to measure pressures, he was black and blue and yet in just a few days he was standing in his hospital bed shaking the crib. It was like “Yeah, I just had open heart surgery, so what?!?!” I wish I could say I handled everything well then but the truth is, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone and he was suffering more than anyone I had ever known. I was lost and looking for something to drown my pain. In so many ways I wanted to be the turtle with her head in the sand. I felt alive alright. But not in a good way. Yet, looking back on his times of greatest infirmity, he still lived. He still showed care for others. He handled everything given to him with grace. He never seemed to lose sight of life. In all emotions we are reminded that we are still alive. Parenting special needs children isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but around every turn you WILL feel alive. You WILL be reminded in sickness and health of what is important — and **that** is living.
3) Ever wondered what it would be like to entertain an angel?
Enough said.
4) Need a reason to smile?
A special needs child will give you oodles every single day — and they won’t be smiles cracked from everyday triggers. They are unique!
5) Want acceptance for just who you are?
So do they
I hate comparing them to dogs, but honestly, it seems the only ones with the natural, absolutely pure, God-instilled, deeply rooted gift of unconditional love is special needs children and dogs. I love them both!
6) Want to feel God’s love in a tangible way?
If you are lucky enough to get a hug or kiss from a special needs child you can very readily assume that God is just passing His love for you through a child. They embody God’s love and affection for you.
7) “Normal” kids reach hearts. Special needs kids penetrate them.
Everyone remembers Kasey. Everyone loves him. Even if they haven’t met him, he captures their attention. And the best thing about it is, it doesn’t go to his head. He’s just the same to anyone and everyone.
8) Do you struggle with feeling sorry for yourself?
You won’t. They will teach you courage, perseverance, patience, grace, and standing firm in your own life’s plan.
9) Need someone to bring you out of your shell?
So did my younger son, Noah, and I. Sometimes Kasey is to us as a parent is to a child — embarrassing. To us who really value being unnoticed on a day to day basis…yeah that never happens with Kasey…we had to learn to stand out and be proud. He will drop a beatbox rap or bust into a full fledged all-out YMCA rendition in any aisle of any grocery store at any time. This picture is of Kasey bringing Noah out of his shell and actually trying the school talent show. It’s a memory Noah still talks about to this day. I have no doubt Noah would not have had the guts without his brother by his side.
10) Everyday is an adventure!
Yep…that’s Kasey…After eyeing the fingernail polish sitting on the table, he thought it would be funny to paint his nails. Then, I talked him into a make-over, a dress, and a pose.
Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given unto you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
In giving your love and parenting to a special needs child, you truly are getting multitudes more than you can ever give. I promise.
I wish I lived as abundantly, as joyfully, as simply, as boldly, as attentively, as lovingly as my special needs child.
I wish I could melt, penetrate, and soothe hearts the way my special needs child does.
I wish I understood God’s love and undying devotion the way my special needs child does.
I wish I held unswervingly to my faith the way my special needs child does.
I wish I possessed the massive amount of spiritual gifts my special needs child does.
I wish my intellectual capabilities were severely over-shadowed by my intuitive, soul softening, kind and caring ways.
Some reason that a life labeled “special needs” is best ended in utero because quality of life will be diminished. I only wish my quality of life resembled my son’s. I have yet to meet a special needs person who struggles have burdened them so greatly they would have preferred their parents to abort them. Just ask them.
As an adoptive parent, I’m sure you have a plethora of love and life to give. Let me tell you, if you adopt a special needs child, you will get more of these things than you ever could offer. So, enough of that…let’s get to the list:
1) Do you want life on a whole new level?
This is a picture of my boys giving end of life care to our 15 year old dog, Shep. When we took him to the vet for euthanasia it was Kasey, me, and my husband. My husband and I both cried. Kasey held it together through the whole thing and pet our dog to the final breath. Later when we went to my parents home in the country to bury him, Kasey lifted Shep’s ear before we put him in his grave and told him “goodbye Shep” –still never shedding a tear. I asked him if he was sad that Shep had passed and he said yes. “So, why haven’t you cried?” I asked. “Because Shep is in heaven and I will see him again.” Cut and dried, plain and simple. Eternal perspective. The same perspective that caused him to excitedly wave goodbye towards the casket of my grandma when she passed. I am always the bawling mess and he consistently gives me the right perspective on things.
2) Do you want to feel alive?
That scar right down the middle of his chest is from open heart surgery when he was 15 months old. He had a hole in his heart the size of a quarter. The doctors said that up to that point even having a bowel movement could have given him a heart attack. He had drainage tubes, wires, stitches, a monitor stuck in his carotid artery to measure pressures, he was black and blue and yet in just a few days he was standing in his hospital bed shaking the crib. It was like “Yeah, I just had open heart surgery, so what?!?!” I wish I could say I handled everything well then but the truth is, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone and he was suffering more than anyone I had ever known. I was lost and looking for something to drown my pain. In so many ways I wanted to be the turtle with her head in the sand. I felt alive alright. But not in a good way. Yet, looking back on his times of greatest infirmity, he still lived. He still showed care for others. He handled everything given to him with grace. He never seemed to lose sight of life. In all emotions we are reminded that we are still alive. Parenting special needs children isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, but around every turn you WILL feel alive. You WILL be reminded in sickness and health of what is important — and **that** is living.
3) Ever wondered what it would be like to entertain an angel?
Enough said.
4) Need a reason to smile?
A special needs child will give you oodles every single day — and they won’t be smiles cracked from everyday triggers. They are unique!
5) Want acceptance for just who you are?
So do they
I hate comparing them to dogs, but honestly, it seems the only ones with the natural, absolutely pure, God-instilled, deeply rooted gift of unconditional love is special needs children and dogs. I love them both!6) Want to feel God’s love in a tangible way?
If you are lucky enough to get a hug or kiss from a special needs child you can very readily assume that God is just passing His love for you through a child. They embody God’s love and affection for you.
7) “Normal” kids reach hearts. Special needs kids penetrate them.
Everyone remembers Kasey. Everyone loves him. Even if they haven’t met him, he captures their attention. And the best thing about it is, it doesn’t go to his head. He’s just the same to anyone and everyone.
8) Do you struggle with feeling sorry for yourself?
You won’t. They will teach you courage, perseverance, patience, grace, and standing firm in your own life’s plan.
9) Need someone to bring you out of your shell?
So did my younger son, Noah, and I. Sometimes Kasey is to us as a parent is to a child — embarrassing. To us who really value being unnoticed on a day to day basis…yeah that never happens with Kasey…we had to learn to stand out and be proud. He will drop a beatbox rap or bust into a full fledged all-out YMCA rendition in any aisle of any grocery store at any time. This picture is of Kasey bringing Noah out of his shell and actually trying the school talent show. It’s a memory Noah still talks about to this day. I have no doubt Noah would not have had the guts without his brother by his side.
10) Everyday is an adventure!
Yep…that’s Kasey…After eyeing the fingernail polish sitting on the table, he thought it would be funny to paint his nails. Then, I talked him into a make-over, a dress, and a pose.
Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given unto you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
In giving your love and parenting to a special needs child, you truly are getting multitudes more than you can ever give. I promise.
I wish I lived as abundantly, as joyfully, as simply, as boldly, as attentively, as lovingly as my special needs child.
I wish I could melt, penetrate, and soothe hearts the way my special needs child does.
I wish I understood God’s love and undying devotion the way my special needs child does.
I wish I held unswervingly to my faith the way my special needs child does.
I wish I possessed the massive amount of spiritual gifts my special needs child does.
I wish my intellectual capabilities were severely over-shadowed by my intuitive, soul softening, kind and caring ways.
Some reason that a life labeled “special needs” is best ended in utero because quality of life will be diminished. I only wish my quality of life resembled my son’s. I have yet to meet a special needs person who struggles have burdened them so greatly they would have preferred their parents to abort them. Just ask them.
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