Anti-Adoption Extremists

You’re pregnant. You’re now in a crisis pregnancy. You’re options are: parenting, adoption, or abortion. You know yourself best so you should be the one making that decision. You should never be coerced or guilted by others to make any of those 3 decisions. You feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. So many unknowns enveloped in each choice. You know people who will praise you for each decision. You know people who will look down on you for each decision. You know that this one decision, no matter what you choose, will change not only your life forever but also your unborn child’s. This is the cross you bear. Huge, stifling decision.
There are corrupt adoption agencies. There are agencies out there for the baby and the money – giving little concern to life implications and/or birthparents. There are agencies that will use coercion just to make a buck; and all the while possibly assuming they know what is best in every circumstance. This is not true, nor is it good business practice. There is also no doubt that there needs to be adoption reform on so many levels. Adoption is not novelty, commodity, or the new black. It is a woman’s life, at a major crossroads. It is a baby’s future hanging in the balance.
Adoption is not for every single person simply because they may have weighed the option. Parenting is also not for every single person. Lately, I’ve been encountering push-back from anti-adoption groups whose main argument is that adoption practices are corrupt and children were meant to be with their bio parents only. Period. Mind you, I specifically asked one of them what option a mother has then, when she is faced with an unplanned pregnancy – her answer? Abortion even but never adoption. And even after stating that I was in no way coerced, I made the decision to adopt all on my own, some still tried to convince me I was in some way coerced. When that argument was no longer working for them, they simply and hatefully told me that I must not have loved my child one bit. What kind of sick person does that? One that is broken. Hurt people hurt people. These extremists fight and argue that women are coerced into choosing adoption and they are fighting vehemently to find pregnant moms who are considering adoption so they can talk them out of it. They are vicious and nasty; attacking birthmothers/prospective birthmothers in the same coercive manner they say adoption agencies use to gain a buck.
I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around this. Women need and will continue to need options. Parenting is a great option, as is adoption – but you cannot go crazy ninja on adoption coercion when you are practicing parenting coercion just as much! Coercion is coercion. There will always be a need and a plan for adoptions. All options should be brought to the table and thoroughly examined for the pregnant mother, but not one soul should assume it is their job to help the mother lean in one direction or the other. She needs someone to lean on, not someone to lean her over. Could the system use an overhaul? YES. Are there adoptees with bad experiences? Sure. Birthparents with bad experiences? Yep. Guess what? There are also adoptive parents with bad experiences. I have seen firsthand while promoting my book, adoption agencies in it for a dollar. But what about the basic idea of adoption and those agencies that adhere to a high level of integrity? Adoption cannot be seen as black and white; always or never. And not one of us should assume we know what is best in any given situation let alone all situations.
No matter your choice, own it and stand tall. And when the haters come knocking – don’t take it personally – just keep believing in you. And always remember – Hurt people hurt people (Joyce Meyer). Just keep swimming!