Haven’t we all hit those integrity crossroads at some point? Moments after he said this to me, I began having flashbacks of recent incidences where I had that choice to make also. Can I say I took the high road? Not every time. And sometimes it’s not the low road you should worry about as much as the middle road. The low road is like where you fall competely on your face — integrity (or lack thereof) in the open for all to see. The middle road is where compromise happens, no one necessarily sees it; it’s not as bad as _____, yet you still missed the “right” mark and you feel it inside. Take that road enough, though, and your internal compass will start to change with it. When we can do wrong things and not feel that icky feeling inside, we should check to see where North points on our compass.
Thinking about the roads we travel in life and the choices we are faced with everyday, integrity is so important, yet we seem to be finding it less and less in this world. We reward politicians, sports figures, etc, etc, for less than optimal behavior. We look up to these people and often times, so do our children. So, what can we expect but that our children model what they see, even from us?
I have had my moments where I’ve compromised my integrity because I’ve felt justified. I’ve built my argument, reasoned it out with God as to why it was necessary, and stooped to levels set by others out of my raging desire to defend myself. The level of integrity I require from myself is extremely high but sometimes, I feel like I have to come out with my claws showing when I feel threatened. It truly is just a series of little compromises beginning in our minds. The thinking that, “Well, I’m entitled” or “they deserve it” or “God wants me to have it” or “they should be held accountable”, and the list goes on and on. As soon as I begin to think those thoughts, my actions are not far behind. Often times immediately after I have justified my lack of integrity, I almost feel euphoric. Yet I know that the sting of regret over allowing myself to get caught up in such a low-level of thinking and behaving is not far behind.
Why can’t the right decision be easier to make? And why can’t it have a better pay off? So many times, the right decisions go unnoticed and are mostly anti-climactic. Generally, it doesn’t come with the pat on the back or the climax in the story. Sometimes I wonder how I’ve ventured so far in life, yet I share so many similarities with a 9-year-old boy (or for that matter even a 3-year-old with a toy). In my son’s case, wanting to hold on to his hard earned money was a good, healthy quality. But is it still a good quality if we have to cheat others to hang on to it? Do I need to lower my level of integrity just to defend myself to other humans? God knows and I know. That should be good enough for me.
Even if the payoff is only having peace of mind with no outward signs of the high level of integrity you have just claimed for yourself, it’s still worth it. Nothing on the outside matters unless we are true to who we are and who God says we are as His children. You are your own reward. Looking in the mirror and loving what you see is priceless. Live exceptionally because you deserve it. The gift of Integrity is already in you, you just have to habitually tap in to it.
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